So I was excited to meet Kathleen Turner...

I have always admired Kathleen Turner for her acting and her activism. She has had some great movie roles and got away with murder in Body Heat. Her work with Planned Parenthood helped elevate that organization to the world stage. So when I heard that she was appearing at the Chicago International Film Festival Summer Gala, I thought it might be an opportunity for me to actually meet one of my favorite celebrities.

At the Chicago International Film Festival Spring Gala

Many people want to meet celebrities. Some just want an autograph, or maybe a picture. I’m not interested in meeting everyone, but I am interested in having a conversation with people I really admire. And that’s a little different. If you’re going to have a conversation with someone, you need to have a topic. You can’t just come running up to somebody you don’t know and start gushing about life. You are likely to only have a few minutes for a conversation, or maybe less, so if you want it to be memorable, you need to be prepared.

One reason I know this is that I have been on the other end of it. I am not a celebrity, but I have hosted a number of events and introduced celebrities, so sometimes people come up to me with that “I want to meet you because you’re a celebrity“ look on their faces and I find out that they are totally unprepared to have a conversation about anything. In fact, I developed my own plan for helping them through that moment, by having a number of questions for them that could start a relatively normal conversation such as, where are you from, and is this the first so-and-so concert you have attended? It puts everyone at ease to at least have something safe to talk about. But it’s better if you can talk about something meaningful.

On the other hand, some celebrities really do not want to talk. They just want to sign an autograph and move on down the line to sign another. That was my experience with moonwalker Buzz Aldrin, who had a methodical way of signing his photograph and making one comment to each recipient such as “Good luck ma’am,” or “stay with it sport!” I’m sure he had answered thousands of questions about loneliness, and anxiety and the thrill of safely reaching the moon and returning. It was a singular event, and he wasn’t really open to anything more than what he already had.

Are you shy, or afraid of meeting people for the first time? I was that way for years. I love going to parties, but I used to mostly sit in a corner and listen to other people talk, rather than participate on my own. It took a while for me to realize that I was really missing out on the fun. Balls used to be designed as mixers, with dances that made sure we smiled at many of the other participants through the course of the evening. I went to a Victorian ball in London where ladies and gentlemen were dressed as if it were a century and more ago. And I learned some traditional dances, and met dozens of people. It was easy and stimulating. The communal dancing has today been replaced by pre-event cocktail parties and after-parties. These are great opportunities to meet people, learn about their lives, and talk about yourself a little bit too. And when I go to a gala by myself, sometimes I am seated at a table with strangers, up to nine other people I have ever met, nine lives to learn about, touch and cherish.

The Victorian Spring Ball, Croydon Town Hall, London

So how did I go from sitting in the corner, alone, to loving intense conversations with people I just met? First, I decided it was a good thing. If you’re at a party with many other people, you’re there for social interaction, so just do it! Second, I decided I needed to simply plan for it. There are some obvious questions on safe ground, Finding out what people do in life, where they live, where do they like to go and what do they like to do.? And show more interest by asking follow-up questions! Since the other party guests are there for the same reason, they are likely to ask you the same questions, and it doesn’t hurt to put some thought into how you would answer them. Or if you’re not asked, it’s OK just start talking, as long as you don’t dominate the conversation.

There are some topics that I stay away from. Politics is the main one. 20 years ago that was not the case. Finding out that someone was in a different political party was sort of like finding out that she was really a brunette, it was just an interesting data point. Today, it can be a real conversation stopper, or worse the beginning of an argument, which you want to avoid. You’re at the party to have fun, not fight.

In fact, everyone is there to have fun, and it’s helpful to be mindful of how others might be experiencing the conversation. If you’re in a group of people talking, and one person in the group has said nothing, it doesn’t hurt to ask a gentle question. Have you been to the gala before? Do you prefer theater or film? Guys always dig in to sports, how about those Cubs?

Be sure to smile, and show some enthusiasm about the conversation. These are your friends, even if you just met them, because they have something in common with you. They came to the same ball! They are not strangers, just friends you haven’t seen before, but you’re really happy to see them now.

If the gala you’re attending has a seated dinner, it’s even more important to have in mind some topics of conversation. It’s only polite to speak with the person on your left and the person on your right. If you’re attending the ball with one of those, you just have to make sure you also speak to the other one. If you are there by yourself, you need to be able to come up with things to talk about with people on each side. Don’t get flustered because you’re meeting someone for the first time. I actually have a list of conversation topics in the notes section of my iPhone, in case I think I’ve run out of things to say, which I almost never do.

What should you do if someone says something offensive, or tells an off color joke? Unless it’s really awful, what I do is smile and shake my head indicating that I don’t agree or don’t like it. I have a friend who can’t do that. She can’t let it go. She will take on anyone anytime anywhere, particularly on certain issues such as women’s reproductive rights, immigration and diversity and inclusion. That’s pretty broad, so she takes on a lot of people. But she does it carefully, to avoid causing a scene. She will lean over and whisper to the offender and usually provide him or her with a thoughtful response and a cutting comment. But only for that person to hear, not for the whole table.

Conversation is also an area where drinking is sometimes a positive, but often a negative. Some people I know find it easier to talk in a social setting where they don’t know everyone, if they have had a drink or at least have a drink in their hand. But it’s unfortunate when someone has too much to drink, so much so that they slur their speech, act out, or say things they really shouldn’t. How much you have to drink is up to you. But hopefully, you’re there to enjoy being around other people, and not to get drunk. So just be mindful of what you’re drinking and how much of it. And enjoy the conversation.

When I got to the Chicago international film Festival Summer Gala, I was hoping to meet Kathleen Turner, and I had topics prepared to talk about with her. I noticed that there was a red carpet. There was a woman with a clipboard who clearly had some responsibility for the red carpet so I walked over to her, and asked her if Kathleen Turner had arrived. She had not, and I explained to the woman that I was really hoping to meet her, not for an autograph but for a short conversation. She smiled and suggested a place for me to stand and told me she would let me know when Kathleen Turner was there. And she did. I was in the right place at the right time, and I introduced myself to Kathleen Turner and told her how much I appreciated the fact that she was willing to speak truth to power. We had a short but fine conversation about her activism, and we also talked about health and nutrition. Unexpectedly, she suggested I work on my posture. I am tall, and sometimes it seems natural to me to bend a little bit to speak with someone a little shorter than me. She said, Edie, don’t do that. Stand up straight. Make them look up to you. I’ve carried that with me and I do work on my posture. That was memorable., But I had other great conversations that evening with other people, not just about Kathleen Turner but about films, Chicago, restaurants and other events. Enjoy the party! Celebrate life!